Tragic Profiles

Panty Hose

Panty Hose

Today’s Dater knows what he wants in a woman. No, it’s not brains, looks or a sense of humor. It’ s pantyhose. And high heels. I wonder if he prefers control top to sheer toe. Does he hate Spanx? Oh, the mind reels.

BTW this guy wants his lady to know the Good Wife’s Guide.  I”m hoping this is a hilarious joke because if not, I’m all ready to give this some high heels. Through his eyes.

If your Delorean is in the shop and you can’t get back to 1955, let me give you a summary:

  • Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
  • Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
  • Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
  • Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
  • During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
  • Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
  • Be happy to see him.
  • Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
  • Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
  • Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
  • Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
  • Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
  • Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
  • Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
  • A good wife always knows her place.
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OKCupid adds creepy function to the delight of stalkers

OKCupid adds creepy function to the delight of stalkers

From Mashable:

OKCupid has added a handful of location-based features to make spur-of-the-moment dating easier.

As of last week, OKCupid started beta testing three location features within its mobile app (iPhone and Android):

  • 1) Broadcasts. This allows you to let your best matches know that you’re free now and suggest activities. You can even include photos. Other users can browse your Broadcasts — and vice-versa — and reply to those they find interesting.
  • 2). Locals. This shows you matches nearby (this is handy, considering OKCupid only lets you search for matches within a 25- to 500-mile radius). One can then indicate that they would like to meet those locals, and chosen folks will get a notification.
  • 3). Notifications. OKCupid will let you know when a good match is nearby.

We can see these new features posing a threat to pre-existing location-based dating apps, which can sometimes function as hookup services more than anything else. Yes, the whole “clicking and letting someone know you want to meet them now” thing is a little creepy, but the Broadcast feature, which allows users to suggest specific, date-like activities seems a bit more structured. Suggest a date, and see who bites.

In fact, “Broadcasts” strongly recalls HowAboutWe’s new iPhone app, which allows users to suggest dates tied to locations. Still, HowAboutWe’s offering is less about in-the-moment meetings than it is about planning interesting dates.

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Bendy

Bendy

I do not find this attractive. No sir, I would hit this. 

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No words - you’ll spoil the moment

No words - you’ll spoil the moment

It looks like Our Dater is looking for a Menage a Blah between you, him and his cat. Seems his cat is tired of his whispering of sweet nothings. Sorry, I have allergies. And your triangle seeking just seems…tragic.

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PSA - Recent Picture means in this decade.

PSA - Recent Picture means in this decade.

Since our dater in his 50’s, I’m pretty sure that’s not a recent picture. In fact - I bet if we were allowed access to the rest of the room, there would be photos of him at a Led Zep concert, some blacklight posters and a photo of his camaro.  It’s nice that he could bench his weight once upon a time, but I’m almost positive what would stumble into the restaurant would be a middle-aged, balding, overweight dad of tragedy.

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Shakespeare’s unwritten sonnet

Shakespeare’s unwritten sonnet

Our poor dater. He’s so hot and bothered that it seems there’s no blood left in in brain in order to spell “hot” properly. I’ll overlook “seductive” because I’ve come to lower my standards considerably when I’m reading profiles. But he couldn’t spell HOT right? Please note he spelled penis, vagina, anal and fuck correctly.

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Finally. A Dater We’d All Love to Spend Some Time With.

Finally. A Dater We’d All Love to Spend Some Time With.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE?

It’s official - the only viable potential for a date comes in the form of green felt. He’s fun, he travels and he mentions rainbows. He might be the most eligible bachelor on earth. He’s Single. He’s Green (which isn’t easy I hear) and he’s ready to mingle.

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Choco is on the “seen”

Choco is on the “seen”

bad englishLooks like every woman’s dream has sailed into port.  His philosophy? Life IS ‘to short to be buy ur self”.  Reading this was like the first time I read Siddartha. So true, Choco, so true.

What are your interests? if they happen to be cooking, keeping the house clean, and having kids - you might - JUST might be the one for Choco.

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Poo Date

Poo Date

If you ever wanted to date a big pile of shit, your prayers have been answered. This is what the “buzz” is about. Or is that just the sound of all the flies piling about your date?

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Online dating for dogs is here

Online dating for dogs is here

FINALLY!

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In a sign of moving with the times, Kennel Club has launched an online dating site for dogs.

The website has been launched to ensure pedigree puppies are healthy and free from genetic problems.

Mate Select is the brainchild of the club - whose primary objective is “to promote in every way, the general improvement of dogs” and will connect pedigree dog breeders. 

It aims to put an end to genetic problems caused by some breeders mating dogs who are too closely related, or “inbred”.

The club is hoping that the website will make such problems less likely.

"Mate Select is intended to help breeders and puppy buyers to safeguard the future health of pedigree dogs," the Sky News quoted Kennel Club spokesperson as saying.

"It basically enables breeders to perform hypothetical matings online and see what impact a mating will have on the genetic diversity (ie the long term health and viability) of the breed that they love.

“It will enable breeders to begin to assess the impact that a proposed mating between Kennel Club registered dogs will have on the genetic diversity of a breed. The service is intended to safeguard the future of pedigree breeds,” the spokesperson added. 

Puppy buyers are also being taken into consideration.

"It also enables puppy buyers to find out health test results for the parents of potential puppies that they buy,” the spokeswoman said.

"This will help to stop people falling into the hands of backstreet dealers, as the results of every single dog registered with the Kennel Club are on this site and so everything is transparent."

"There is nothing of this kind out there for dog breeders and puppy buyers - although clearly there is a need - and we believe it will make a huge difference to the health of puppies and dog breeds," spokeswoman added.

http://www.medindia.net/news/Online-Dating-Site-for-Dogs-Launched-85644-1.htm

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